There are two types of people when it comes to how they use their energy. One type gains more energy while socializing with others and drains their energy while spending time alone with themselves. The other type is the opposite. I happen to be the second.
Don’t get me wrong. I love people and I not only enjoy spending time with all the amazing folks, but I also need it very much for my own sanity. I believe we as human beings are wired for connection. It is our intrinsic need but we need it at different levels – some people need more of it while others need less. As I am more and more self-aware and gaining more clarity in life, I have come to understand that I am one of those who need it more than most people.
The tricky part is that, because I love people and spending time with the ones I care about or those that inspire me, I either intentionally pay a lot of attention when I get to spend time with them or I unintentionally get myself too involved because of my empathetic and compassionate nature. Unfortunately, it is just too intense for me and as much as I wish I could keep going, in both scenarios I drain my energy very fast and burn out after a short while. If it takes me one hour of very concentrated work to feel tired, it probably only takes me twenty minutes of a one-on-one conversation to reach the same level of tiredness. I will quickly start losing my capacity to focus or process information. I can literally feel my brain slowing down and my ability to speak in my second language English fading away. Those are some signs of me needing some time alone.
I used to think it might be a personality thing. I’ve heard people say that extroverts generally enjoy spending time with others while introverts prefer to be with themselves. But having shifted my personality so many times in my life, I now understand that it is not about being an introvert or extrovert in this case.
I don’t know exactly how it works but I have gradually developed my own theory on this matter. The way I see it, my willpower or the mental capacity I need to function is like a battery bank. It has a limit and it can be charged to the full or drained to zero percent. Different activities take a different amount of battery to process. Spending time with others happens to be one of the activities that take a lot of processing power and thus drain the battery bank faster. Once it causes the system to enter the power saving mode, it automatically shuts down certain activities and lowers the quality of other activities to protect the system from a complete power-off until it gets charged again.

Finally understanding this pattern has helped me a lot. I know that as long as I can keep a good balance between staying social and recharging my battery in solitude, I am safe. The real challenge is, however, to find the balance and maintain it. Occasionally, I enter the emergency mode and may need some serious repairs instead of a simple recharge. But in general, I have been in much better control… until recently.
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