Yes, that’s right. 8 years ago when I got a writing assignment from our English teacher with the topic of “A Letter to…”, I decided to write a letter to my future husband. I don’t know why I choose to do that because most of my classmates wrote a letter to the mayor, a celebrity, or someone like that. But I remember that the moment I decided on my subject, I was very excited and emotional at the same time.
Now as I am reading this letter again 2.5 years into my marriage, I can’t believe how accurately I portrayed the man of my dream 8 years ago! Of course, no one is perfect. Both my husband and I are still a work-in-progress toward our ideal selves, but to me, this is the amazing part – I’ve found a husband with a growth mindset who always helps me to improve.
Please kindly discard the grammatical mistakes and sentence structure issues in writing from the much younger me. I just want to share this piece to let you know that I’ve found the perfect partner and now I am finally complete and truly happy.
Dear Future Husband,
How you’ve been doing?
I hope everything is fine with your life so that we could meet.
People say that the appearance does not make any difference, but I’ll be lying if I say I do not care for what you would look like. It is nice to have someone decent-looking, at least tidy and neat. Actually, it is better to use the word “air” rather than “appearance”, for I believe it must be the special aura of you that attracts me in the first place.
Other physical aspects of you will play an important role in my decision spending the rest of my life with you. I do not want you to be skinny or muscular as many other girls dream of. I just want a medium-sized guy with a healthy and strong body, you might even be a little over-weighted, I’m totally okay with it. But you need to be energetic and passionate. I heard that you like many kinds of sports and are willing to teach me and exercise together with me. Instead of staying at home, immersed in the computer or video games, you want to be involved with real life. I hope you enjoy camping, boating, climbing and other outdoor sports and can take me with you once in a while without complaining of me being a terrible “sportsman”. What’s more, I figured you should know that sometimes I may just be holing myself up in my own room, but I’m just being lazy, that’s all. My love of life can never be prisoned and those enthusiastic cells can be woken up any minute. So you might need to remind me sometimes that I need some fresh air and to embrace the beautiful world with you, the one I love.
However, there’s another thing you should know. To have a healthy body and an active lifestyle does not necessarily mean being unchangeable, for it only leads to a dull and pointless life. Please agree to stay up late in the night to watch movies with me. Please agree to go to a nightclub to loosen up and forget ourselves with me. Please agree to cry or laugh out loud hysterically with me.
I know you must be well educated. You do not really need to have a degree or something, but you have to be independent in mind. You should have your own opinions and not rely on me when making decisions. You may not be very rich or successful when we meet, but being ambitious and aspirant in your career is fairly important. Moreover, I know you’ll be interested in politics, literature, and arts. Because I believe you are the one who opens another window for my life instead of someone who makes me abandon my life – that’s called a bad love. You are a critical thinker and are always catching up with the current affairs. Therefore, I will never find myself lacking new ideas and unique perspectives when talking to you.
No matter how mature you are, you should not be ashamed of being childish or ashamed of me being childish. Living in a noisy and complicated world, there will always be a part of me who wants life to be pure and cheerful. So here comes the next request — love to smile. I love smiling and seeing people smile. It requires you to be imaginative, optimistic and maybe romantic. You need to be serious when you are working, but do not be stingy to spare a smile when you are with me or around our friends. Especially when I’m feeling down, it only takes you a smile to light up my day. See how important you are to me?
You need to have a real hobby. It does not matter what it is. You can be fond of a particular kind of sport or car; you can be a good writer or dancer; you can even enjoy collecting stamps. As long as you genuinely love doing it and are good at it. But you do need to have your our taste. I always find a man who’s so into something or anything, very charming.
There are some qualities I admire a lot and I do hope you are in procession of them, say, persistence, integrity, generosity, curiosity, filial piety. They are all very basic qualities of a person, I know. But to do them well has never been an easy task. What’s more, I want you to be confident but not arrogant, assertive but not aggressive, considerate but not annoying, sensitive but not fragile, gentle but not timid.
We are probably both the only child in our families, so sometimes being self-centered is quite understandable. But that does not give excuses for being too self-important. Because we are equal both in spirit and soul, I hope you will not take everything for granted. In my way opinion, we should fight for what we want and only have what we deserve. More importantly, the idea of protecting what we’ve earned should not be neglected. So please see my virtues and appreciate my efforts. I can’t be perfect but I’m willing to take advice and improve myself. All I need is a little encouragement and support, even warning, if necessary. I need your help to be a better person, just like what I hope I can do for you.
If you truly love me, then you will love my other family members as well. I think you can be a good son and a qualified son-in-law at the same time. Of course, I’ll love your parents unconditionally, too. We may argue about going to whose hometown on what holiday, I’m okay with it. After all, it is better than no argument about this at all.
Besides being a good husband and son, you must also be a loving and caring father, too. You love kids as much as I do. And instead of being a stern parent, you prefer to be a sincere friend to them. Naturally, our kids will respect and adore you. That’s how a terrific father you will be.
I may look like a happy and easygoing girl, but I can be lonely and insecure deep down. If I’m looking for a husband, I’m looking for a shelter, a soldier, and a listener, or to be short, a soul mate, rather than simply to have someone to marry to. To see whether we are made for each other is to see whether these two individuals can feel like one whole unit while being together and an uncompleted missing piece of a puzzle while being apart. If you are the one then I do not doubt that we will respect each other, comfort each other, and love each other.
No matter how detailed I can describe what I dream of you, I do agree that when I finally meet you, I will recognize instantly that it is you who I’ve been waiting for and all the rules I have ever set for a perfect spouse will not matter anymore.
I can’t wait to travel around the world with you, listening to our songs and chatting about whatever we want. There are so many things I would like to share and experience with you that even a lifetime does not seem long enough. I guess that’s why you’ll join me later in this journey and until the end of our life.
I don’t know you, but I want you, all the more for that.
Your Future Wife
Now I’m reading this after a long time, it is interesting to see not only how much I’ve changed throughout the years, but also how many of the same principles I still value.
Anmol, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for falling in love with me and fulfilling my dreams!